Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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