Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
