I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
