FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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