I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize