wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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