I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
