I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
