He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
