can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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