I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
