Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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