Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Damn victory sex feels great
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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