I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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