the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
