Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You need Xanax blowdarts
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
