She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
