Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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