Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
