so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
