if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
