just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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