respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
