I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
