i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
