dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
