I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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