you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
