Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
