I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
