Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
sex in a hospital.. check
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
you never un-have a 4some
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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