even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
