dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
