Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
