Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
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So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
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