the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
