I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
