I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
