Kiss
Puke
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it š
I wish heād realize all I want is dick. Heās my boytoy. Heās a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing āthis is going right up my assā. LOUDLY
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