I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
