Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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