The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Randomize
