I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I FOUND THE LEGS
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
