Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
