They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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