I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
