She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
