i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
