I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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