I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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