So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
