Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
