Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
