im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
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