Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
