Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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