I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
