Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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