grandma shit on top of the toilet
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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