i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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