Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
