Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize