I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
