My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
