How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
