he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
