Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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