i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
