Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
