I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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