all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize