Me too!
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Randomize
