i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
