I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
