i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
God, I missed his penis.
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